Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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