a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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