"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
