my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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