So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
