the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
