she smelled like a LAN party
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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