i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
