Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
