Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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