did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
