HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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