i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My pussy is not your playground.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
