Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
