My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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