Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
