she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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