I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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