People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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