He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
