I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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