That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
