Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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