so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
