ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
