I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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