I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
