I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
