can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
