What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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