I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
