I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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