Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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