Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
