there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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