i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
