Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
