I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
