i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
