I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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