I smell stomach acid.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
