DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
