ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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