so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
