i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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