I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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