Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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