just come out here and I will go home with you...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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