You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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