Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
