The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
