My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
