this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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