i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
